If you are in a long distance relationship, the foremost thing to do is for both of you to have trust in each other. In every relationship there has to be trust, but for some reason, in long-distance relationships, it seems like there has to be just a little something more. Since you two are so far apart, you have to trust that the other one only wants to be with you and no one else. What I would always do, when I didn't know if I should do something that might be bad for our relationship, is I would put myself on the other end of the situation. I would pretend that it was my boyfriend doing it and then I would think of how I would feel if he did it. If you would get upset about it, than 10 times out of 10 so would he. There has to be trust in every important relationship because it won't last if there are doubts on either end. Always trust that your boyfriend is being honest with you and always be honest with him. The next thing a long-distance relationship needs is communication.
Good communication is a MUST! You and your boyfriend have to have open lines of communication. If something is bothering one of you, tell the other how you feel. If you are not open, the other will never know what you are thinking or if there is a problem. Unless you can read minds. Just kidding! There shouldn't be secrets kept from one another and if there are open communication lines, it will avoid any types of problems. Another aspect of communication that is important is expressing your feelings. If you are missing your boyfriend a lot one day, tell him. It will make him feel good to know that you are thinking of him and need him. By expressing your feelings, it will keep the relationship open and honest. And also add a little excitement for the next time you get to see each other!
You may think that it will be hard to communicate so far away, but in all actuality, it might be easier. One of the most popular ways loved ones keep in touch is through the computer. It is sometimes easier to write your feelings rather than saying them. This is a very effective, not to mention cheap, way to keep in touch with the one you love. There is also writing letters and talking on the phone, but I strongly suggest the e-mail option. Finally, the last thing that you need to keep a relationship going is good old-fashioned patience. You won't be able to see each other often, but stick with it. If you truly love each other, you will be able to get through the times when you can't see each other. It is hard, believe me I know! But if you hold on, it could turn into something very special. I wish you the best of luck to you and your boyfriend. If you have trust, communication and patience, I'm sure you'll be able to make it work.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Feelings and Love
Feelings are somewhat similar with most people who fall in love, there are different types of traits that most people tend to fall in love with. Trusting, caring, humor and friendship may be the best examples of features associated with healthy adult love relationships. To be cared for is one of the most rewarding feelings in one's life. In my life I know that I have many people that care about me but to be cared about by my boyfriend is completely different. This feeling is a sense of completeness. Throughout an individuals life they will have the opportunity to experience many different relationships involving these types of feelings for love. Many of these relationships will not be true romantic love. However, hopefully they will learn form these relationships so they do not repeat their mistakes from the past or let others do the same to them.
I am now in a relationship where I can say that I am truly in love. I know this because of the feelings I get when I am with this special person and I am definitely attached to him.
All of these feelings can be very complicated at times but when you are in the right relationship this emotional roller coaster is very well worth it to feel these powerful feelings of love. The relationship process is a complex amount of effort as well as feelings. Most every person will feel these feelings that I have described in some point in their life. When you do begin to feel these feelings of falling in love I wish you happiness and luck.
I am now in a relationship where I can say that I am truly in love. I know this because of the feelings I get when I am with this special person and I am definitely attached to him.
All of these feelings can be very complicated at times but when you are in the right relationship this emotional roller coaster is very well worth it to feel these powerful feelings of love. The relationship process is a complex amount of effort as well as feelings. Most every person will feel these feelings that I have described in some point in their life. When you do begin to feel these feelings of falling in love I wish you happiness and luck.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Aspects of Love
There are three main aspects of love. According to the triangular theory of love, these three components include intimacy, passion, and decision/commitment. Intimacy is the feeling of being connected and close to another person. It is getting to know the person beyond the friendship level and understanding them on a romantic level. An example of this might be going to dinner or the movies with a prospective mate, rather than the casual encounters that someone might have with them in everyday interaction. Intimacy does not only pertain to specific acts, but also in verbal and non-verbal expressions of love. Although verbal expressions of intimate feelings through self-disclosure are important to relationship quality, the nonverbal expression appears to be more important.
In general people rely more on nonverbal cues to interpret messages. Some examples of these nonverbal cues include touch, gaze, gestures, and time spent together. The next aspect of love is passion. Passion is the feelings or physical attraction and sexual consummation that people have for one another. This is more than idolization of a superstar such as Tom Cruise or Demi Moore. It is an attraction that one might have for a peer or a person with whom they are aquainted. Passion acts as the fire that helps the relationship function.
The last aspect of love is decision/commitment. Decision/commitment refers to the belief that one is in love and committed to a certain romantic relationship. This bond may be as informal as a phrase that states they want to date exclusively, or it might be as formal as a ring of gold that bonds them forever. This commitment is exclusive between partners, with the need to feel an equal level of commitment, which they need to decide together.
These three aspects involve no certain amount of time. It depends on the person or persons and the level of the relationship. Time will only give the couple some room to grow and expand the feelings felt for one another.
In general people rely more on nonverbal cues to interpret messages. Some examples of these nonverbal cues include touch, gaze, gestures, and time spent together. The next aspect of love is passion. Passion is the feelings or physical attraction and sexual consummation that people have for one another. This is more than idolization of a superstar such as Tom Cruise or Demi Moore. It is an attraction that one might have for a peer or a person with whom they are aquainted. Passion acts as the fire that helps the relationship function.
The last aspect of love is decision/commitment. Decision/commitment refers to the belief that one is in love and committed to a certain romantic relationship. This bond may be as informal as a phrase that states they want to date exclusively, or it might be as formal as a ring of gold that bonds them forever. This commitment is exclusive between partners, with the need to feel an equal level of commitment, which they need to decide together.
These three aspects involve no certain amount of time. It depends on the person or persons and the level of the relationship. Time will only give the couple some room to grow and expand the feelings felt for one another.
Friday, May 4, 2007
Falling In Love and Physiology
These physiological reactions include: erections for the male, wetness for the female, a lump in the throat, sweaty palms, weak knees, cold feet, a pounding heart dizziness, and butterflies in the stomach. These physiological reactions are completely normal when falling in love. The second type of feeling that one endures when falling in love is attachment. Attachment is a bond or a special tie between people that are attracted to one another. Attachment helps keep people together and has more to do with feelings of security than of excitement. Romantic love requires attraction plus attachment. Someone can be very strongly attracted to another person but never become attached. Without some feeling of attachment, attraction is nonspecific. Once you have begun to fall in love with someone, this process becomes more and more important and you begin to feel more attached to this person.
When in this state of attachment, each person would feel as if they are one person combined together. A special bond is shared and a sense of comfort and togetherness is felt in most any situation. This attachment is very normal in close relationships and healthy to a certain extent. Many times one person becomes more dependent on the other and this can be very unhealthy because everyone needs their own sense of identity. Without your own sense of identity, you might feel smothered or unable to function without your mate. Either way it is a lose-lose situation. For a healthy relationship, one needs to be able to function without total dependence on their mate.
When in this state of attachment, each person would feel as if they are one person combined together. A special bond is shared and a sense of comfort and togetherness is felt in most any situation. This attachment is very normal in close relationships and healthy to a certain extent. Many times one person becomes more dependent on the other and this can be very unhealthy because everyone needs their own sense of identity. Without your own sense of identity, you might feel smothered or unable to function without your mate. Either way it is a lose-lose situation. For a healthy relationship, one needs to be able to function without total dependence on their mate.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Falling In Love
What is Love? Is it attraction? Is it intimacy? Is it attachment? Love, in fact, is all of these things combined together. "Love is spiritual, not physical. It is a union of souls and hearts and minds, not something you can't put under your microscope and understand!" Love is an emotion combined with a series of feelings. These feelings can be immensely powerful and wonderful. Romantic love is defined to be an intense emotional state that one person experiences in relation to another. These types of feelings appear to be among the most intense that most of us are capable of, and at least in some cases, grow rather than diminish with time. Falling in love can be one of the most unexplainable feelings a person can endure. There are two sets of feelings that are the basis of modern romantic relationships.
The first is attraction. Attraction is the excitement you feel when falling in love. To better explain this feeling, attraction is what you feel when you have met someone new who really excites you and you begin to feel aroused when thinking about this person. Although this sounds very sexual, this feeling is just the first of what will most likely become a sexual passion. When in this first state of attraction, your body feels different - more bouncy, more energetic, and in need of less food and sleep. When in this state of attraction, one feels very happy and different every time that they are with this person. Frequently the presence (or sometimes merely thought) of the loved one can evoke specific physiological reactions.
Authored By Mellisa Bernstein
The first is attraction. Attraction is the excitement you feel when falling in love. To better explain this feeling, attraction is what you feel when you have met someone new who really excites you and you begin to feel aroused when thinking about this person. Although this sounds very sexual, this feeling is just the first of what will most likely become a sexual passion. When in this first state of attraction, your body feels different - more bouncy, more energetic, and in need of less food and sleep. When in this state of attraction, one feels very happy and different every time that they are with this person. Frequently the presence (or sometimes merely thought) of the loved one can evoke specific physiological reactions.
Authored By Mellisa Bernstein
Monday, April 30, 2007
Controlling Relationships
Being engaged to a controlling person sometimes causes you to lose control in every aspect of your life. Passive people like myself usually find controlling partners. Controlling people like my ex-fiancé usually find passive partners. We are "perfect" for each other. Being passive, I'm quite happy to be left alone. I sometimes don't have much to say, and I have to admit I sometimes can seem to be deaf when you try to discuss problems with me. While on the other hand a controlling person makes constant demands on their partners.They have much to say, and they can act like they think they've been elected to tell everyone else how to live their lives. They are seldom content, and they seem to resent anyone who is.
Since both controlling people and passive people have poor relationships, they experience a whole lot of loneliness. After along while, all of this loneliness adds up and makes them realize they cansurvive on their own! Then they can stop trying to change their partner andsimply enjoy them as they are. Unfortunately, both people need to learn fromtheir loneliness-so they can grow into people who want each other instead of people who think they need each other. It is often very hard to end a love relationship even when you know itis bad for you. A "bad" relationship is not the kind that is going through the usual periods of disagreement and disenchantment that are inevitable when two separate people come together. A bad relationship is one that involves continual frustration; the relationship seems to have potential but thatpotential is always just out of reach. In fact, the attachment in suchrelationships is to someone who is "unattainable" in the sense that he or she is committed to someone else, doesn't want a committed relationship, or is incapable of one.
Bad relationships are chronically lacking in what one or both partners need. Such relationships can destroy self-esteem and prevent those involved from moving on in their careers or personal lives. They are often fertile breeding grounds for loneliness, rage, and despair. In bad relationships, the two partners are often on such different wave-lengths that there is little common ground, little significant communication, and little enjoyment of each other. Remaining in a bad relationship not only causes continual stress but may even be physically harmful. An obvious harm is the physical abuse that is often a part of such relationships. In a less obvious way, however, the tensions and chemical changes caused by the constant stress can drain energy and lower resistance to physical illness. Continuing in such bad relationships can lead to unhealthily escapes such as alcohol or drug abuse and can even lead to suicide attempts. In such relationships, individuals are robbed of several essential freedoms; the freedom to be the best of themselves in the relationship, the freedom to love the other person through choice rather than through dependency,and the freedom to leave a situation that is destructive.
Despite the pain of these relationships, many rational and practical people find that they are unable to leave, even though they know the relationship is bad for them. One part of them wants out but a seemingly stronger part refuses or feels helpless to take any action. It is in this sense that the relationships are "addictive." There are several factors that can influence your decision to remain in a bad and controlling relationship. At the most superficial level are practical considerations such as financial entanglement, shared living quarters, potential impact on children, feared disapproval from others, and possible disruption in academic performance or career plans. At a deeper level are the beliefs you hold about relationships ingeneral, about this specific relationship, and about yourself.
Finally,these beliefs may take the form of learned social messages such as "You are a failure if you end a relationship," "Being alone is terrible," "I'll never find anyone else,""I'm not attractive or interesting enough," or "If I work hard enough I shouldbe able to save this relationship." To end this never ending cycle of a controlling relationship make your recovery the first priority in your life. Become selfish by focusing on getting your own needs met more effectively. Learn to stop being managed or controlled by others; by being more focused on your own needs, you will no longer need to seek security by trying to make others change. Find a support group of friends who understand and will listen. Forget the broken engagement and share with others what you have experienced and learned,
Since both controlling people and passive people have poor relationships, they experience a whole lot of loneliness. After along while, all of this loneliness adds up and makes them realize they cansurvive on their own! Then they can stop trying to change their partner andsimply enjoy them as they are. Unfortunately, both people need to learn fromtheir loneliness-so they can grow into people who want each other instead of people who think they need each other. It is often very hard to end a love relationship even when you know itis bad for you. A "bad" relationship is not the kind that is going through the usual periods of disagreement and disenchantment that are inevitable when two separate people come together. A bad relationship is one that involves continual frustration; the relationship seems to have potential but thatpotential is always just out of reach. In fact, the attachment in suchrelationships is to someone who is "unattainable" in the sense that he or she is committed to someone else, doesn't want a committed relationship, or is incapable of one.
Bad relationships are chronically lacking in what one or both partners need. Such relationships can destroy self-esteem and prevent those involved from moving on in their careers or personal lives. They are often fertile breeding grounds for loneliness, rage, and despair. In bad relationships, the two partners are often on such different wave-lengths that there is little common ground, little significant communication, and little enjoyment of each other. Remaining in a bad relationship not only causes continual stress but may even be physically harmful. An obvious harm is the physical abuse that is often a part of such relationships. In a less obvious way, however, the tensions and chemical changes caused by the constant stress can drain energy and lower resistance to physical illness. Continuing in such bad relationships can lead to unhealthily escapes such as alcohol or drug abuse and can even lead to suicide attempts. In such relationships, individuals are robbed of several essential freedoms; the freedom to be the best of themselves in the relationship, the freedom to love the other person through choice rather than through dependency,and the freedom to leave a situation that is destructive.
Despite the pain of these relationships, many rational and practical people find that they are unable to leave, even though they know the relationship is bad for them. One part of them wants out but a seemingly stronger part refuses or feels helpless to take any action. It is in this sense that the relationships are "addictive." There are several factors that can influence your decision to remain in a bad and controlling relationship. At the most superficial level are practical considerations such as financial entanglement, shared living quarters, potential impact on children, feared disapproval from others, and possible disruption in academic performance or career plans. At a deeper level are the beliefs you hold about relationships ingeneral, about this specific relationship, and about yourself.
Finally,these beliefs may take the form of learned social messages such as "You are a failure if you end a relationship," "Being alone is terrible," "I'll never find anyone else,""I'm not attractive or interesting enough," or "If I work hard enough I shouldbe able to save this relationship." To end this never ending cycle of a controlling relationship make your recovery the first priority in your life. Become selfish by focusing on getting your own needs met more effectively. Learn to stop being managed or controlled by others; by being more focused on your own needs, you will no longer need to seek security by trying to make others change. Find a support group of friends who understand and will listen. Forget the broken engagement and share with others what you have experienced and learned,
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Important Factor in a Romantic Relationship
Why get involved in a romantic relationship? What benefits do they
have? People commonly ask these questions when faced with the decision of
getting involved with someone. Romantic relationships provide comradery,
courtship, and love. All of these contribute to building a lasting bond between
two people. Friendship is the foundation, courtship preserves the romance, and
love makes it last.
Friendship is often the basis of romantic relationships. The comradery
brings two people closer together. A romantic partner is someone in whom to
confide, and with whom to share great problems. He is there to console and
comfort in hours of need. He gives his friendship unconditionally as a
foundation in the relationship. Friendship takes love and kindness, as do
romantic relationships. When a couple starts out as friends, they build a
stronger alliance. This is why romance usually starts with friendship.
Courtship is very important in romantic relationships. Amorous
companions need to feel wanted and appreciated. Courtship keeps the romance in
a relationship. It helps one lover show the other how he feels. "Show your
love with flowers " is frequently used in the flower industry to get people to
buy flowers. Buying flowers shows one's affection. Holidays such as
Valentine's Day emphasize the need to show that special someone how admired they
really are. Courtship allows people to continuously grow closer and learn new
things about each other. Whether it is giving a sweetheart a dozen roses, or
an "I love you" now and then, courtship is what keeps the flame alive between
romantic partners.
Love binds all romantic relationships. Without love they would not
exist. George Hebert shows the benefits of love in relationships in this
quotation that states "Love makes all hard hearts gentle." This quote expresses
how a cold person coming into a relationship can be softened by love. Having a
romantic partner gives a person a sense of reassurance, self-esteem, and love
for himself. Love enhances the lives of both partners in the relationship. For
example, when two people are in love, their emotions are at an ultimate high.
It creates a bond that is not easily broken. Ultimately, love is what makes a
relationship last.
Romantic relationships enrich life with friendship, courtship and love.
Successful relationships are able to incorporate all of these and build upon
them.
Tommy Page emphasizes the importance of these three things involved in
working relationships with his words "I'll be your lover, and I'll be your best
friend . . . I'll be your everything." This brings together all three aspects
of comradery, courtship and love in relationships.
Something to think about.
have? People commonly ask these questions when faced with the decision of
getting involved with someone. Romantic relationships provide comradery,
courtship, and love. All of these contribute to building a lasting bond between
two people. Friendship is the foundation, courtship preserves the romance, and
love makes it last.
Friendship is often the basis of romantic relationships. The comradery
brings two people closer together. A romantic partner is someone in whom to
confide, and with whom to share great problems. He is there to console and
comfort in hours of need. He gives his friendship unconditionally as a
foundation in the relationship. Friendship takes love and kindness, as do
romantic relationships. When a couple starts out as friends, they build a
stronger alliance. This is why romance usually starts with friendship.
Courtship is very important in romantic relationships. Amorous
companions need to feel wanted and appreciated. Courtship keeps the romance in
a relationship. It helps one lover show the other how he feels. "Show your
love with flowers " is frequently used in the flower industry to get people to
buy flowers. Buying flowers shows one's affection. Holidays such as
Valentine's Day emphasize the need to show that special someone how admired they
really are. Courtship allows people to continuously grow closer and learn new
things about each other. Whether it is giving a sweetheart a dozen roses, or
an "I love you" now and then, courtship is what keeps the flame alive between
romantic partners.
Love binds all romantic relationships. Without love they would not
exist. George Hebert shows the benefits of love in relationships in this
quotation that states "Love makes all hard hearts gentle." This quote expresses
how a cold person coming into a relationship can be softened by love. Having a
romantic partner gives a person a sense of reassurance, self-esteem, and love
for himself. Love enhances the lives of both partners in the relationship. For
example, when two people are in love, their emotions are at an ultimate high.
It creates a bond that is not easily broken. Ultimately, love is what makes a
relationship last.
Romantic relationships enrich life with friendship, courtship and love.
Successful relationships are able to incorporate all of these and build upon
them.
Tommy Page emphasizes the importance of these three things involved in
working relationships with his words "I'll be your lover, and I'll be your best
friend . . . I'll be your everything." This brings together all three aspects
of comradery, courtship and love in relationships.
Something to think about.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)